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Milk, Bread and Would you Like a Baby With That?

7/21/2014

If you have read any of my blogs, then you know that I am a very friendly person. I do not know a stranger. I always stopped for gas at the little convenience store by our home and if I needed anything else, I would just pick it up there. Well, on this day, I needed to go inside to pick up a few things. When I walked in, I noticed that the cashier was crying. I asked her if she was okay. She told me that she had just found out that she was pregnant and that her mom was already raising one child for her. She said that she did not know what she was going to do! I asked if she had considered adoption? I told her that there are so many couples that wanted to adopt a baby. I said " You know that our baby is adopted!" I was thinking of all that we had gone through when we were adopting our precious baby and I was hoping that she would choose to help some childless couples dream come true. I was not even thinking about us adopting because we had already been blessed. She seemed to calm down and I wrote a check for my purchases.

The very next day, she called me and asked if we would consider adopting her baby! I was in shock. I told her that considering that she had just found out and that she was very emotional right then, that I wanted her to think it over, to make sure that this was what she wanted. My own tummy was doing flip-flops! I was so excited! I told her calmly, "Wait until after the Holiday's and if this is what you really want to do then call me back"! This was right before Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year Holiday's.

January 2nd, our phone rang! Oh, my goodness! My excitement could not be contained! Was this really happening? We decided to use a midwife and a birthing center. She and I would go for her prenatal appointments. I would record the baby's heartbeat. We would go to lunch and discuss baby names. We had many heart to heart conversations. I went with her to inform the daddy. He did not speak any English and she did not speak any Spanish. I guess body language is International! He said that he would sign the papers when the time came. She and I became very close. We started walking together every day. We continued with the prenatal appointments and the lunches. I talked with the attorney and had the papers drawn up. Nothing could be signed until the baby's arrival. Our daughter was so excited, too! She said that she just knew it was going to be a sister. I told her that it might be a brother. "Oh, no!" she said, "It will be my sister!"

Late one night in early April, the contractions began. We all jumped in the car and headed to the Birthing Center. All of us being the birth mother, myself, my husband and our five year old daughter! What a night! While my husband and daughter slept on the sofa in the waiting room, I helped with the birthing process. I was not really prepared for all that entailed. I held her hand during contractions and I helped her to breathe. I massaged her feet. I washed her back. I wiped the sweat from her brow and forehead. Early the next morning, it was time! I got to assist and I even got to cut the cord! How symbolic was that?

I cleaned up our new little angel and wrapped her in a blanket, I carried her to the waiting room to meet her sister and her daddy. Our oldest said " I told you that it would be a sister!" We took group photos with the birth mother. We made all of the fun phone calls. My mother came to join us. We were one big happy family. We called the attorney and he came to the birthing center, too. The papers were signed, except for the biological father. We waited to go home. I learned how to doctor the umbilical cord. By noon, we were ready to go home. My mom, and my husband and our two beautiful daughters left in one car and I took the biological mother to her home. I felt strange leaving her at home alone. I stayed for a little while to see if she was alright. She was as happy for us as we were for ourselves. It was like it was just meant to be! She was an angel bearing the most precious gift. I will always have a special place in my heart for her.

We hired a person to translate the papers into Spanish for the biological father. He signed the papers with no problem. All he cared about was that his wife did not find out. We never even knew that he was married. All is well, that ends well!

Six months later, after the home studies and referral letters were done, we went to court. Our oldest daughter got to hit the gavel and pronounce the adoption final. Our little family was now complete. I believe in miracles! Do you?

Do you believe in Angels or even Ghosts? Tomorrow's post is sure to give you goose bumps!

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E is for Education or Is it for The Enormous Elephant in the Room?

7/20/2014

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I have to admit that I am a very determined (some say stubborn) person. I refused to believe that our little angel had any disabilities other than her speech. She was enrolled in the local public school for pre-k for half a day because of the speech problems. I thought that being around other children would be great for her. She did make friends easily and she was learning so much. The speech part was still a bit inconsistent. Just when we thought she had a sound mastered and would go on to the next sound, the first sound would slip back into the old pattern. Oh, but let another child say a phrase like "do-do head" and that would be repeated with no problem! Oh, the joys of motherhood! She had made some of her best friends in Pre-K.

Kindergarten was a half of a day, too! It was held in a great big room with a divider right down the middle of the room. There was a class on each side of the divider. Each day when our baby would come home, I would ask what they had done that day. Well, I would hear all about what the other side had done and nothing about her side of the room. I was asked to fill out a questionnaire about ADD/ADHD. I, in my infinite wisdom, believed that this was crazy. I believed that the reason she could tell me about the other class and not her own was because the teacher on the "other side" was young and energetic and that our teacher was just a year away from retirement! The other class was just more fun. I was surprised when at the Parent-Teacher conference, it was suggested that we repeat Kindergarten. The other option was Summer School. We chose Summer School.

We discovered that our baby's eyesight was not right. Yes, she had passed the screening at school. At home, I noticed that she was squinting a lot. She always wanted to sit right on top of the television screen. The optometrist was awesome. He said that she did ,in fact, need glasses. Her eyesight was very unique for a child. She could not see up close. It was a perceptual problem. When she got her glasses, she was sitting on the floor in our living room and she said, " Mommy, our carpet goes up and down, up and down!" We had sculptured carpet and she had never noticed.

First grade was a big adjustment to all day school. I had read that taking sugar and red food coloring out of your child's diet could help them to pay attention better. Well, you would have thought that I was a horrible mother. Borderline abusive! Not that our baby felt that way. She was fine with the new, healthier diet. It was her teacher! She believed in giving the children cookies everyday for a treat. Instead of a good, healthy snack, she would pump them full of sugar and then complain about how hyper the kids were. I even would send healthy choices to the school for them and she said that they were not allowed. Imagine that! She could bring junk and that was okay. But the parents could not send goodies for the class. When our daughter would go to speech class, they would give her candy for a job well done. I think that this was the year that my education began.

This was also the year that we had many changes in our lives. We adopted our second child ( this one we got from the local convenience store! I will tell that awesome story tomorrow) and my mom got sick.

See you tomorrow and please, have an awesome day!

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D is for Determination....Not Disabilities

7/19/2014

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When our precious baby came to live with us at 13 months, she was sick. She had pink eye in both eyes and a bad upper respiratory infection. She also had the a severe case of diaper rash. She also had a little tremor. A tremor that seemed to come and go at various times. The medicine that the doctor gave her on that first night, took care of most of these ailments. The tremor stayed. She had only one little tooth and was not yet walking or talking. She had obviously been neglected (if not abused) during those first months of her precious little life. Of course, we took her to the pediatrician to get caught up on shots and to get a thorough check-up. He informed us that she was a "coke" baby. That the biological mother had used cocaine. This is what the little tremors were from. Oh, my poor little baby had been through so much in her short little life.

Did I tell you just how precious she was? She was the most affectionate child that I had ever seen! When she laughed, which was very often, you just knew that a diaper change was necessary. Big contagious belly laughs. She was not yet walking, but she could crawl like nobody's business. I would get down on the floor and crawl chase her from one end of our living room to the other and then we would just roll on the floor laughing! Within a month, she was up walking. Within a couple of months, she was beginning to talk. The talking part was a bit slower than normal and the words that came out of that precious little mouth were not pronounced the same as you might think. Yes, there was the usual "dink" for drink. One of the most unusual ones was the word that she used for hungry. Can you imagine my surprise, while we were dining out at a restaurant and my sweet little angel said, just as plainly as could be " Mommy, I HORNEY!" I am sure that everyone in the restaurant heard her. I saw many smiling faces. I hurriedly gave her some crackers!

Oh, how she loved to sing and dance! I thought this was just the cutest thing. When she was three years old, I thought I would sign her up for a ballet dance class at one of those summer recreation places. It was held in a gymnasium. I sat with all of the other mommies in the bleachers. As all of the little darlings lined up to play follow the leader, my little angel was doing her own interpretation of how it should go. All of the other parents were laughing at my child. They were pointing their fingers and laughing! I was not impressed with their behavior, especially when their own little darlings started copying the parents. They were all pointing and laughing at my baby. So when the instructor suggested that maybe this was not the class for her, I agreed. We did not need that kind of negativity.

The speech issues continued to get attention. She would pronounce the "chr" sound as a "p". Not a huge problem, unless your cousins name was Chris. He really would get angry when she would call him "piss". We had decided to get our little princess tested for learning disabilities at Scottish Rite Children's Hospital. In addition to the speech difficulties, they said that she was developmentally delayed by about 13 months. Umm....13 months is exactly how long it took for her to come into our lives. I do not think that people realize just how important those first years are to the children. She began speech therapy right away and we continued to just love, play and learn together. We were determined that our special gift from above was not disabled. We were determined that with plenty of love and prayer that all things are possible.

Next time I will tell you all about how attending public school went and the unique challenges that we faced at every turn.

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C is for Court..... Continuing Our Adoption Story

7/18/2014

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We never dreamed that the biological father might protest the adoption! We could not understand why. He had not even been a part of her life for 19 months, so why? We were so nervous on our court day! Our entire family had come to stand in support of our adoption. If you have never been to court for an adoption, you should go. The room is packed with people that are either adopting or having their parental rights removed. It is a very emotionally charged room. There are dozens of people anxiously awaiting the ruling of the judge. Some people are happy to be there. Some people are sad to be there. Some are even angry to be there. But they all are very nervous and we were no exception! I looked around the room, trying to figure out who the biological father was. I was clueless! Not one of the people looked anything like our precious angel or maybe they all did!

Our attorney stood up when our name was called. He presented our case to the judge. The attorney for our baby was asked to weigh in on the matter. He told the judge that we had loved and nurtured this baby for the previous six months and that while this did seem like an ideal situation that the biological father was there and wanted to speak. My heart stopped for what seemed like an eternity. A tall man, about our age walked to the front of the courtroom and asked the judge if he would appoint him an attorney, that he could not afford one. The judge asked how did he intend to care for this child if he could not even afford an attorney. He said that he did not intend to care for her and that he thought that maybe he would see if his sister might care for her. The judge said that he would hear the case and make his decision after a short recess!

Oh, do you know how bad I had to fight the urge to just grab our child and run? It took all of the inner strength that I had to stay. I am so glad that I did because the biological father came up to us and introduced himself. He said that he did not even recognize his own child and he wanted to know how we knew the biological mother. I told him that we had never met her face to face. I told him that I had talked to her on the phone and that our attorney had met her in person. He said that we seemed like real nice folks and that he would be happy to sign the papers! Court resumed on a much happier note. The judge was awesome and explained how in his court, once an adoption was granted that it was forever and nothing could undo it! ADOPTION GRANTED!

Really, the story does not end there. It is really just the beginning. The beginning of a life full of love and understanding. It is the beginning of learning and nurturing a beautiful child that was diagnosed as being a "coke" baby and the learning disabilities that come with that diagnosis. It is just the beginning of the most rewarding experience a parent can ever have and the bond that comes from that love. I hope that you will join me as I share some of these experiences. Remember that all things are possible!

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A is for Adoption and B is for Baby.......

7/17/2014

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There were so many near adoptions during those two years. Each one that did not work out, just served to make me more determined. There was the day that a baby boy was born that we were supposed to adopt and we were so excited. Just as we were fixing to get in the car, our phone rang and the attorney said that she had changed her mind. Do not go to the hospital. Do not collect the baby. Do not become parents.

Or the time that another precious little baby was born that we were going to adopt and we got to the hospital, he was isolated away from all the other babies. He was in a total separate room. There were hazard signs everywhere! The biological mother had to tell us the news that he was born with Aids. Now this was back in the 1980's and Aids was just becoming known about. There was not a distinction between HIV and Aids. It was pretty doom and gloom. We were still interested but we were told "no" that he would not be available for adoption. This was probably the saddest of those near adoptions.

So, on this day that the hairdresser called, my butterflies were in overdrive. I was trying to not get my hopes up too much. But that is just not in my nature. She went on to say that a friend of a friend had a baby that was 13 months old. She said that the girl wanted someone to take her baby that very day. The girl had wanted to put her baby up for adoption when she was born, but her father had talked her into giving it one year. My hairdresser said that she would go pick up the baby and meet us in the parking lot of the beauty salon. Normal people would have been suspicious. Not me! I always believed that if we kept trying, that our baby would arrive.

Of course, we were waiting when she got there! I jumped out of our car and jerked open her backseat door. There was the most precious little angel that I had ever seen! She held out her little arms for me to pick her up and I just melted! She was mine! We did get all of the information that we needed to get, including the phone number and name for the biological mom. We would have to wait until Monday to call the attorney. We brought our little angel home. I gave her a bath. She had the worst diaper rash that I had ever seen. She was sick and she was miserable. We took her to a weekend minor emergency clinic. She had pink eye in both eyes. She had an upper respiratory infection. She had a terrible diaper rash. We got all of the medicine that we needed to make our little angel all better. We went to the store to buy diapers and clothes. She kept having these little tremors. I thought she might be cold and I bundled her up. She just clung to me like glue. I ate it up! My heart was happy. I called the biological mom and got as much information as I could. Family health history. Information on the mom, in case the attorney needed it. I gave her the attorney's name, address and phone number.

On Monday morning I called the attorney. I told him what had happened. He could not believe it! He said he would talk to the biological mom and get started on the paper work. We continued to bond with our precious gift! There was so much to do! There were home studies to be done by the state. There were referral letters that our friends and co-workers had to write. There was financial records that our CPA needed to get done for the state. The biological father had to be notified. We had to take parenting classes. Also, in Texas, the child has to live with you for at least six months before you can finalize an adoption. The court also appoints a separate attorney to represent the child. We were getting it all done. Day by day. Week by week. We were getting closer to realizing our dreams. The six months was right around the corner. Then came the papers that said the biological father was protesting the adoption!!!

Oh, it couldn't be......................

Tomorrow ..........C is for Court!

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A is for Adoption....

7/16/2014

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When Allen and I married, we already knew that we wanted to adopt. I had a complete hysterectomy for medical reasons several years prior to our wedding. Actually, as we walked down the isle, we thought we had an adoption in the works. A relative was expecting a baby in a few months and she had said that we could adopt. We were so excited. We returned from our honeymoon to learn that she had changed her mind. We were heartbroken. The girl had been staying at our home while we were away and when we returned, she was gone. Along with some of my clothes and other stuff. Double whammy! She did not leave a note. She did not call. She just left.

We started going to different meetings about adoption. International adoptions. Orphanage adoptions. Private adoptions. We discovered that the waiting lists were very long. The criteria was very strict. The costs of some of these options was astronomical. We were not financially able to do this. We were devastated!

I started being involved in a church outreach program that housed homeless families. There was a family there that had five children. They were adorable. I started taking a couple of them home with me on the weekends. Every weekend we would arrive back at our home and my weekend of bliss would begin. I enjoyed getting clothes for them and fixing their hair. We would go to the park and play for hours. During that summer they would stay for weeks at a time. I fell in love with those children. I knew that they were not mine. I knew that someday that they would be gone from our life. I was just not prepared for how bad that would hurt. The couple moved out of the outreach center and left no forwarding address. To this day, I still wonder what happened to those babies.

I started brainstorming on how we were going to adopt our own baby. I went to a local business and had t-shirts printed. The front of the shirts said "Wanted Newborn Baby" and the back said "To Adopt and Love Forever". I wore those shirts everywhere. I wore them to work at my Dad's store. I wore them when I went to the grocery store. I wore them to the beauty salon. I am sure that people thought that I had lost my mind. I did not care. I was determined.

The first relative that had decided to leave us while on our honeymoon came back into our lives after a death in the family. She needed help with her two children. She was not able to take care of them. We, of course, said yes! We enrolled the oldest one in kindergarten and the baby was now eight months old. Yes, this was the baby that we almost adopted. We had the honor of raising them for almost a year. I got to celebrate their birthdays. I got to be a room mother at the school. I got to enjoy all the joys of watching the little one learn to walk. The arrival of the first teeth for him. The losing of the first teeth for her. We were having all of the blessings and all of the responsibilities of parenthood but we knew that it would change. I still was not a mom. I was "Aunt Cindy", not "Mom". Allen was " Uncle Allen", not "Dad"! And when it did, it was devastating! Our hearts were broken!

I continued to wear my shirts. I continued to tell everyone I knew that we were wanting to adopt. Mind you, this whole story, up to this point was only two years. A roller coaster of emotions for two years! Then, one day in June 1989, our phone rang and it was my hairdresser. She said " Hey, Cindy! Are you and Allen still wanting to adopt?" . My heart skipped a beat as I answered "YES!" She said "Would you be interested in a baby that is about a year old?"

........................To be continued on my next blog!

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How to Have a Terrific Day!

7/15/2014

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People ask me everyday "How do you always seem so happy?". Well, the secret to happiness really is not complicated. Just start with one day. A day like today! My secret is that I love life! "How?", you ask. I believe it all has to do with your mindset. You have to make up your mind to see the magic in everything. On the day that I was diagnosed with lung cancer and told that I only had a 15% chance of survival, I had already prepared myself. I already knew that each day is beautiful. I had realized that long before that day. I knew that each and everyday that we are allowed to laugh, or see the beauty that surrounds us was so precious. Before I even get out of bed in the morning, I already know that today is going to be awesome. Do you think this sounds silly?

I love watching my flowers bloom! Do you ever just look at their beauty? They are so amazing to look at! Oh, and the smell is almost mesmerizing. Now doesn't that just make you love life? What if I woke up and thought about how hard the work was to achieve that lovely garden? What if I did nothing but complain about how they attract bugs and other creepy, crawly critters? If all I worried about was how they were going to make my allergies act up or that they were eventually going to die. Well, that would be so depressing! I would make myself miserable and probably those around me would just cringe as I complained about those things! The way you look at life is totally up to you!

If you change the way you look at life, you can change the way you feel! Dwell on the positives, not the negatives. Enjoy each and every part of each and every thing. Live your day as a happy person and you will never go back to sadness again! I do have more to share with you and share, I will! But, for now, I am heading out to enjoy the happiness that is my life. You are welcome to join me!

Have a Totally Terrific Tuesday! Hurry because it is the last one this week!

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Worth the Wait

7/14/2014

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Have you ever just met someone and they just take your breath away? You get those butterflies in your stomach, whenever they are near! As you get to know each other better and have those long talks and then suddenly you realize that this person is the one! The one that you want to spend your life with. The one that you want to grow old with. The one that you want to be the father to your children. You just love everything about them. This is how it was when I met my husband.

We met in college, in Humanities class. I thought that he was the best looking thing in the universe! I also thought that he was way out of my league. I was pretty insecure as a teen and young adult. The thought that he could be even remotely interested in me was way beyond my understanding. I did not even get it when he would walk me to my car after class. I just thought that he was a thoughtful person. It was night classes and the parking lot was a scary place in that part of town. For many weeks we would walk out together and he would wait while I put my books in the car and I got in all safe and sound. Actually, there was another guy that walked with us. I hardly remember him even being there because all I could see was "him". I hung on every word that he spoke. I really listened. I decided that maybe I should call him at work and ask him to my place for dinner. I felt so nervous as I dialed the phone. What if he said no? What if he thought that I was a fool? I decided that nothing ventured was nothing gained and I made that call. Just about the only thing that I knew how to cook was homemade spaghetti sauce. So I call and invite him for some homemade spaghetti and to my surprise, he said "yes"! Oh my goodness, I really had butterflies then!

I wore a dress for the occasion. I made my sauce. I set the table. I tidied up my apartment. I was a nervous bundle of energy! He was supposed to be there at six. I went back to check my face and makeup. Okay fifteen more minutes. Fourteen. Thirteen. Is the sauce still simmering? Are the noodles clumping together? Should I light candles? No, don't light candles. That would be strange if he thinks this is just two friends having dinner. Oh, no! It is six-fifteen and he is not here. Did I give him my phone number? What if he got lost? Okay, it is six-thirty. Did he forget? Now, it is seven. Oh, great! I have been stood up! I feel like such a fool! It is seven-thirty, I suppose I should put away the spaghetti. What was that? Someone is knocking on my door! I open the door and I melt. There he is all apologetic about being so late. Some kind of problem on a job. (This was way before cell phones) and I had not given him my phone number. Dinner was delicious!

We had a wonderful dinner and then we went dancing. He took me home and we sat in my living room talking. Nothing more than just good old fashioned conversation. During this time in my life, I worked one full time job during the week and took classes full time for four of the nights. I also worked every weekend at my dad's store. I would open the store at six in the morning. We sat and talked until five. I had to push him out of the door so that I could get to work. We did the same thing the next night. The next weekend was a repeat, too! Of course, we saw each other at college. There was no mistake! We were in love!

It took us six years to finally walk down the isle! I do not know why it took us so long. Perhaps we both worked too much. It could be that we were chicken because so many of our friends had married and divorced. Whatever, the reason we waited does not matter. What is truly important is that we did! And guess what? It has been nearly 27 years since I walked down that isle and right at 33 years since that spaghetti dinner. And, yes, he is still very often late for dinner and yes, he is still very much worth the wait! I still get those butterflies and I still love him with all of my heart!

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The Lost Art of Being Friendly!

7/13/2014

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Who remembers when the world was a friendly place? A time when you spoke to each person that you meet. A time when you took the time to just smile and chat with a total stranger. Oh, those were truly the " good ole days"! Yesterday, I got to enjoy such a day! It was so amazing and you would not believe how great it made me feel.

The day began just as any other. I wrote my blog for my challenge and I made a few Facebook posts. I really needed to go to the grocery store and the Farmers Market but I felt that I would just go ahead and get everything at one location. I hurried into the store and started gathering my groceries. I am usually friendly but no one usually pays me any attention. Not today! I saw the cutest little elderly man and I smiled. He smiled and patted my arm as I walked by! He acted like he knew me and had not seen me in a long while. I said " Good Morning and How are you Today?" . Wow! That was all it took! He and I talked through the entire store. Before I knew it, we each knew where each one was from. We knew where we each went to church. We knew each other's name. I now know James. I even know where his wife is from and that his favorite niece is named Cindy, just like me. Before James left with his groceries, he wanted to know if he could give me a hug! He said that I was the friendliest, happiest person that he had ever met! Well, that just made my heart sing!!!!

After James had left and I continued with my shopping, I had another man asking me how to pick out a good watermelon. I had no problem answering his questions. As a matter of fact, I had just posted how to do that on my Facebook that very morning. I just whooped out my handy dandy phone and showed him. We ran into each other a few more times and we would discuss our selections and joke about how we were following each other. I do not know why I was getting so much interaction on this day. Maybe, I was smiling extra big or maybe I was the one being a bit more friendly.

Even at the checkout counter, I had a young man and his daughter waiting behind me in line. They wanted to know if they could help me lift my 3 cases of water onto the counter. (There was a sale!) I told them " Thank you for offering but I believe the cashier has the codes." We continued to talk while we waited for our turn. They have an 85 lb. dog! His daughter gets told about her beautiful eyes all of the time! He is worrying about some dog hair on his shirt and that his own hair falls out into his baseball cap. I said that my hair was shedding, too! I told them not as bad as when I had chemo and laughed. He said that he doesn't know how bad that would be and I told him that it was not "all" bad because when you are bald headed that nothing feels better than getting to scrub your scalp with a washcloth! We laughed some more!

This wave of friendliness continued with the cashier and the baggage clerk. Everyone just seemed so genuinely friendly. It reminded me of days gone by. It reminded me that we each need to take the time to be kind and friendly. It really takes so little effort and it brings so many smiles. How about you? Are you friendly?

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Not Marilyn Monroe! This was my Mom!

7/12/2014

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Marilyn Monroe was admired by many back in the day. I suppose by looking at my mother's picture that she admired Marilyn, too! This picture was taken in 1955 when my mom was 16! Whew! Beautiful! My mom was born in January, 1939 in Whitewright, Texas. Her parents were Nobe Oretha Clounch and Vernie D. Robertson. She lived in the country with her maternal grandparents after her parents divorced, until her mom remarried. I have been told that she did some modeling as a teen and young adult. I can see that! She was very beautiful. She and my dad met on a blind date when she was 20. They married and I was born when she was 21. Then my little sister and little brother followed a few years later.

Mom's beauty was not only skin deep! She was an amazing person. She was the life of the party. She loved being involved with her children and theirs lives. She coached our soccer teams, she taught the pee wee drill team, and she was always the P.T.A. room mother. She would encourage me to have slumber parties and sleep overs at our house. She taught all my friends how to do the shimmy! I could never get that one! She would dress up on Halloween and pass out the candy to the neighborhood children. She was the one who would tell you like it is! If she thought you were wrong, she had no problem telling you about it! You could always count on my mom to be there for you! She was a very strong woman. She survived her divorce with my dad and having to go out in the real world and get a job. She learned to support herself. She did all of this and still was amazingly involved with our lives. She was the first one there if you were sick or needed help in any way. She was a wonderful doting grandmother for my two daughters. She married again. This time to a man that was about 20 years younger than she was. When she was 49, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went through a total mastectomy and radiation and many chemotherapy treatments. She stopped her chemo because she decided that they were just trying to get more money out of her! That was my mom! Very Strong minded and if she got an idea in her head, it wasn't going to leave! Her health declined over the next few years. She had become a diabetic. She had a stroke. Yet, she remained a constant in our lives. Getting her to go to a doctor was darn near impossible! On my youngest daughters first birthday, she was determined to come to my house for her birthday party. Mom, had been having severe pains in her legs for weeks and we did have a doctors appointment for the following day to have that checked out. She had my step-father bring her to our house for the party and to spend the night so that I could drive her to her appointment the next day while he was at work. She also seemed to be having stroke like symptoms. Problems with following conversations and she was very wobbly. We made it through the party and through the night. The next day at the doctors office we discovered that her cancer had returned. It had returned with a vengeance! There were seven tumors on her brain and the cancer had spread to her bones. Did I already tell you that my mom was very strong minded? She told them flat out "NO CHEMO!" This was on a Friday. Our family spent the entire weekend trying to convince her to take the treatments. She finally agreed by Monday. We go to the appointment and guess what? They said it was too late! They sent her home with Hospice. The next six weeks and 3 days I stayed at my mother's side day in and day out! She had a morphine drip and a whole mirage of pills to make her life less painful. Within just a short time, she was no longer the strong, beautiful mom that we had known. She could not talk or walk. She could not eat. She was suffering so much. This was the most unbearable thing to witness. If only she had gotten help sooner. If only she had not given up the first time. If only! If only! If only! If only we had not lost her on June 1st, 1995. She is still her in my heart and I think of her daily. Yes, I am strong like her but I am also different.

I believe in being a strong person. I believe in standing up for what you believe is right. I believe that you have to fight for life! I believe in being there for your family and friends. I believe in God and prayer! I believe in listening to the doctors and researching on your own. I believe in natural therapies, too! I believe that I will beat cancer! I believe that I do not want to leave my family with memories of me giving up! I believe in positive thinking! I believe that after almost 20 years that I am still grieving. I believe that I will do the very best that I can! I believe! I believe! I believe!

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Milk, Bread and Would you Like a Baby With That?

E is for Education or Is it for The Enormous Elephant in the Room?

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A is for Adoption and B is for Baby.......

A is for Adoption....

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Worth the Wait

The Lost Art of Being Friendly!

Not Marilyn Monroe! This was my Mom!

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